A Public Address On the Impending Resolution To The Perpetual Search For Permanent Employment!

Gentlemen! Gentlemen!

Your attention, please! I have much to say and little time to say it in!

My long journey through the dark, lonely desert of the temporary work assignment wasteland may be at an end.

Tomorrow, I begin a three week temp assignment, manning a front reception desk for a company that has literally said, "We don't care what you do up here. Just be present for phone calls and to man the front door. What you do with your own time, is your business. Do whatever you need to, to pass the time."

And for this, I am being paid $12 an hour...

Today, I interviewed for a permanent position with a major Chicago theater. The position is Admin Assistant. The pay is average. But the work will be hard and the responsibilities will be many! I take my reward that I will be employed by a theater again. My personal honor will be that the interns that I manage and the spreadsheets that I create will be used by artists and poets to bring good, solid, original theater to the hearts and minds of Chicagoans everywhere.

Soon, too soon, I may be employed by the artists who work under this banner...



A Theater of Integrity!

Gentlemen! Gentlemen!

I can tell by the raised yells of "Triumph!" and "Victory!" and "Huzzah!" that you are as invigorated by this news as I am. I can tell you that I felt a blush of accomplishment overtake me at that interview today! They practically offered me the job on the spot!

This news is good and exciting!
This opportunity is a long time coming and will end the drought of poverty that we've long endured... but this isn't the only good news. This wasn't my sole reason to speak with you, this night!

The Real Reason that I called this assembly of fine patricians together is to announce the formal interest from another entity. Nigh on two weeks ago, an application was presented to another fine Chicago business for an open position there and tonight gentlemen, THIS VERY NIGHT, contact was established and they've registered their interest in my resume.

Tomorrow, I have a phone interview with the Human Resources Director of this venerable news periodical...



..and if all goes according to plan... I will offer them my services and gain permanent, well-paid, fulfilling employment with them.

Yes, this WILL be so!

I do this not only for myself, but for my sweet, kindly, ailing old dog, who needs medical attention and for my rotund, jocund roomate who hails from the land of the Arab, a man who has weathered these harsh times with me, a source of unflagging support.

And I do this for you, my dear, sweet friends, who've stood by my side through this ordeal and shown me emotional and financial support. Who've propped me up when it looked like I might fall. Who've soothed me when my mind was troubled. Who've encouraged me to keep fighting. To keep pounding the pavements and weathering the shitty temp assignments and suffering the irascible attitudes of the menial middle management and to reach for the stars!

Well friends, I have reached for the stars and there I have grabbed an onion and I will take a big, juicy bite of that onion. I bite that onion and enjoy it's bitter juices with Your Support, My Will and God's Grace.

Victory to the People!

I now yield the floor for questions.

Gentlemen?
What say you?

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